If your loved one masks their vulnerability..

how can you help them without it being overbearing?

When we venture out in public with our son, any onlooker can tell by his behaviour that he has additional needs. It is certainly apparent that there is a vulnerability – it is almost unquestionable. He is 13 now and as tall as me, his joyful flapping and jumping does not go unnoticed.

Sometimes however, vulnerability is very present, but the outward visual signs of that vulnerability are not. I met with two distraught parents earlier in the year and their circumstances stayed with me. Is it harder to protect someone who masks their vulnerability?

The daughter was adept at camouflaging certain behaviours, she had developed social scripts and mirrored behaviour in an effort to fit in. She would go to any lengths not to ‘look different,’ had little understanding of the value of money and struggled to grasp the meaning of body language. To the parents, their need to protect her from those who might take advantage of her was paramount, but they didn’t want her to feel singled out.

‘Subtle’ planning

Her parents asked me whether there were any ‘subtle’ ways that we could look at planning for her.

Interestingly, many of the tools and strategies that a special needs planner uses to protect the vulnerable, were not designed specifically with that in mind. They just happen to work, brilliantly. With the exception of perhaps the Disabled Person’s trust, trusts have been used for centuries for all manner of other reasons. Every financial adviser learns that a trust in its most basic definition is just a way of making sure the ‘right money lands in the right hands at the right time.’ It is that simple. We don’t have to label them as ‘special needs financial planning tools.’

Our aim for this young lady – and it worked - was a range of strategies that felt more of a help, rather than a restriction. Her cousin became her attorney, using a Lasting Power of Attorney arrangement. He could make decisions with her and on her behalf, with her agreement. She had her own bank account that she could control, but I also explained how a third-party mandate worked .

Third-party mandates

Third-party mandates are relatively unknown, but they can be very useful in giving a parent or loved one (the third party) short-term oversight of their young person’s bank account. The young person has to be over 18, have mental capacity and give their permission to the mandate. Once set up, the third party can monitor and even carry out simple transactions, to help their young person with additional needs. If you are in a similar situation, it may be worth seeing if your bank could help you understand whether this is the correct course of action for you.

Helping those who don’t want to ‘look different’

It can feel challenging to help someone who doesn’t want to be treated differently, but has an unmistakable vulnerability. It is however absolutely possible.

If worries about taking away too much control, or being too restrictive stop you from helping your young person, please know that there are many more collaborative solutions we can use. Some can even be helpful learning tools. We don’t necessarily have to package and label these solutions as ‘special needs financial tools.’

If you would like to learn more, please get in touch.

Please note that advice given in relation to a Power of Attorney will involve the referral to a service that is separate and distinct to those offered by St. James's Place and along with Trusts are not regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority.

The advice provided to my clients was given after a full evaluation of their specific needs, circumstances and requirements. The solutions provided would not be suitable for most and the information provided does not constitute advice.

 SJP APPROVED 10/01/2024